Milton-B-Perlman

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Note: this is a transcript of a letter that my grandfather wrote... sincerely, Jariell A Perlman

The following photos at the bottom of the page are of my grandfather, grandmother, and father and mother (together).

from Milton B Perlman, as follows below :

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The Keystone of the new Social Order must be cooperation - cooperation for social benefit, - the submerging of self for the good of the community.

Our present form of society, built by us for our children, is not such as to allow us to boast of our superiority. We must progress hand in hand, remembering always that we are developing with our children, not with miniature adults.

Some Psychologists feel that our desire to recall our own period of youth too anxiously is due to our failure to have grown up. I cannot agree. I feel very definitely that the desire not to remember youth is a greater proof of not having grown up. For those individuals, youth, no doubt, was not a milestone on the road of progress, not a period which can be remembered as a lower rung in a ladder, but rather a high point in development beyond which they were never able to get, and therefore their inferiority complex tries to offer the defense mechanism of shutting out that unsuccessful youth from their consciousness, because they are ashamed of the fact that they never got beyond it.

Since the new society will demand greater cooperation, in our economic life, our social life, our spiritual life, where better can we find the cooperative habit forming elements than in camp? The new society, too, will give to everyone a greater amount of leisure time. But are we prepared for this extra leisure? What can we do with our leisure time? It would be an interesting study to pass out a questionnaire to all of us on our avocational pursuits. Can we list a dozen activities for worthwhile spending of leisure time - activities other than bridge or pinochle? And even our athletic men, aren't they limited to tennis or handball or hilltop baseball? How many of us are brave enough to spend an evening reading a book that may give some spiritual value? How many of us can commune with nature and be inspired? How many of us can draw or paint or indulge in any of the many arts and crafts activities? How many of us attend a symphony concert as a matter of choice? How many can really enjoy a social evening of intellectual exchange of thoughts? Our difficulty is that in our youth we were too provincial recreationally or were never given the opportunity for the expansion of self-expression, and therefore we need not be ashamed but rather be anxious to improve this condition for our children.

Where better can we build the foundation for such activity power than in camp life? But we must not limit camp life to children. Our own type of camp life here has great opportunities for upbuilding the family life that had such great value in days gone by. The camp must be our family life and must produce socialized home projects for mutual benefit.

Children seldom stay at home. Why? Merely because we have not cultivated in ourselves, as parents, interests that can be shared and enjoyed with them. We fail because we take the child with us in life's leisure activities instead of letting the child take us with him. (On rainy days, we should play ping pong with our children rather than have them play bridge with us.)

Don't be so insistent, with due modesty, that your child is so bright he ought to be advanced. You harm him there socially. If the child be bright, let his experiences be wider, fuller, richer, but in his own social and physical age group. Let him be a leader in a lower group rather than a follower in a higher one.

Cooperation between camp and home is vitally essential. The home influence should be as strong as the camp or school. If we work together, much is possible. The first essential is mutual understanding. Parents must learn to understand what is going on; must be alert to see ways of carrying on at home habits developing at camp. Thus the child's experience can be made a unified thing and he will feel harmony rather than discord in the atmosphere. Parents might discuss the days events with the child giving due praise for effort and achievement.

We must make children feel efforts are most important, not results; not how good a swimmer or tennis player but how evident is his effort to improve, how good a sportsman is he in the game, how cooperative is he in the group. We aim to give help before discouragement sets in. We must help the child make greater demands upon himself. Not rivalry and competition, but self progress is important. In open-air play children have great opportunities for cooperative relationships. We aim to build desirable habits and attitude. The home must cooperate. Responses to whistles at camp must be followed by responses to suggestions and requests at home. Our greatest task is the unlearning of undesirable habits due to parental indulgence. Don't be afraid that you may inhibit and thereby destroy creative ability. Don't become over indulgent. A wise habit established, with no exceptions allowed, makes for character development. Bad habits cannot be broken after the exception is permitted merely by wishing them to disappear. There must be a suitable substitute offered.

The absence of sufficient self control and the constant assertiveness of the ego at the expense of the group is contrary to the program of cooperation in the new society. This is license, not freedom. A child should have only that amount of freedom which he can use effectively. In camp there is opportunity for individual initiative which will benefit in social relationships. Even tho your child be different and tho few people but you appreciate him, life demands that he conform. You should help him to do so. And even if you err in imagining he is different and needs special attention, please help him be refraining from letting him know you think so, or by discussing him in his presence. The home must set the pace for -

• 1. Right habits of self care and personal cleanliness
• 2. habits of caution without fear, for bravery and courage.
• 3. Proper attitude toward food.
• 4. Proper attitude toward rest and desirable habit formation in this respect.
• 5. Practice in home responsibilities.
• 6. Aid in recognition of authority as an aid to social well being.

Learning to get along with others is one of the significant goals of education - of camping. Learning to share is an educational experience of incalculable spiritual value; not charity, sharing with the poor, and though that in itself has its value, but sharing with our peers and letting our friends share with us the possessions, economic, mental and spiritual which we have gathered unto ourselves or with which we have been endowed.

Let me sum up - The new social order is one in which there is a desired and hence a consciously planned progress toward the ideals of justice, brotherhood, cooperation and true equality of opportunity within ones own limits and capacities.

Competition gives way to cooperation. With more leisure come more attractive and valuable ways to use it which shall offer a stronger lure than the anti-social ways which have been too abundant. Education, recreation and all creative opportunities are multiplied and made more accessible to all, to the end that the average individual may be encouraged and helped to effect maximum self-expression of which he is capable, while contributing fully to social welfare and happiness.

A fine rich satisfying experience like camping should not "burn out" in too short a time. It should progressively carry on and on. Don't urge us to rush your children through too soon. Skipping is bad. Keep children away from the attitude of over-sophistication, "it's the same old stuff". Don't force your child to attend camp at too young an age, he may not be ready for social conformity yet. Don't use camp as a parking place. Its purpose is to educate, to develop your child. Don't have your 14 or 15 year olds think they should be counsellors, for children of 14 or 15 have neither the wisdom nor the ability to meet counsellor problems.

As you know, for the most part our staff of 28 counsellors has as its standard - camp counselloring experience, college graduation or teaching experience.

We classify and group your children in terms of their physical and mental ability and their experiential levels. We try to meet properly the advanced experience of the children we call Counsellors-in-Training. We aim to meet our obligations to all stages of our youth; to give them opportunities to have wholesome experiences which are not static but are advancing and growth inducing, physical, mentally, and spiritually.

• 1. Bedtime and Patrol Cooperation
• 2. Autos on Road
• 3. Movies
• 4. Cleanliness
• 5. Ice Cream at wrong time
• 6. Bathing arrangement
• 7. Library
• 8. Assembly
• 9. Parents'notice (Read)

Some day I should like to discuss with you the situation of your children as Jews and Jewesses. Our membership in the American Jewish Congress, our Jewish philanthropic efforts, even our affiliation with Yiddish groups or religious groups means little toward the future progress of our race unless we have a definite program for letting our children know what it means to be a Jew and what our glorious heritage is. If for our children's only means of realization that they are Jews is limited to the fact that they were born so, or that they must say Koddish when we die, or they must listen to us rant against anti semitism and Hitlerism, then the Jewish culture, the Jewish idealism that have lived through many thousands of years are surely singing their swan song now.

I want to close with an honest expression of advance appreciation for your cooperation. My entire staff is at your service to help you solve your child development problem. Let us help you. We shall be glad to talk matters over with you at any time, but especially at our fixed hours, 4:45 to 5:15 on Tuesdays, beginning next week.

We ask of you, in turn, that you give us your help in carrying forward in your homes the habit formation essentials which we emphasized at camp. Working together, the camp and the home must succeed in making our children better Jews, and happy, successful members of the new social order. Chief Milton B. Perlman

Note: this is a transcript from a letter that my grandfather (Milton B Perlman) wrote ... sincerely, Jariell Perlman... ...

The following photos are of my grandfather, grandmother, and father, and of my mother and father together at the New York World's Fair - Mexican Pavilion restaurant Fonta Anita, where my mom was working in 1967, when she met my father.

• This is a photo of my grandfather Milton B Perlman

• This is a picture of my grandmother Celia Cohen Perlman

• This is a picture of my grandmother and grandfather Milton & Celia Cohen Perlman

• This is my grandfather's degree from Columbia University

• This is a picture of my father Justin A Perlman

• This is another picture of my father Justin A Perlman

• This is a picture of my mother and father at Fonda Anita restaurant at the Mexican Pavilion of the New York World's Fair in 1967 where my mother was working and met my father.

• This is a picture is of me Jariell A Perlman