From BluWiki

Contents 1 Intro 2 D&D w/ Flik 3 Painting/Bonfire @ KillerPloys 4 General Quotes 5 CONvergence 2011 5.1 Mega Panel 5.2 Random 5.3 Killer B's Improv Movie Show 5.4 Steampunk Gadgets Panel 6 General Quotes 2.0 7 Ojibwe Forests 2009 8 General Quotes 1.0

Intro

This is where I post quotes when I don't have my quotebook handy. It was getting a little long so it's now split into separate pages: general quotes are on this page, other quotes are linked below.

• PDSG Quotes
• Derby Quotes
• CSF Quotes
• Toy Design Quotes

Disclaimer: The point of the quotebook is to catch people saying ridiculous, amusing, and potentially embarrassing things. As such, I almost never censor it (the folks I hang out with are good about keeping it... tactfully awkward). However, while some of the quotes are rather innocent, some can be awkward or sketchy, especially if they are out of context as many are, and if you find awkward or sketchy stuff offensive... well, for one, I'd like to know why you associate with me enough to know about the quotebook? But if that's the case, you don't want to read any farther. Can't say I didn't warn ya.

D&D w/ Flik

• "So, you step over the pile of shit lasagna or whatever that is... oh, also, did I tell you that someone made a latrine of your hearth upstairs?"
  -Paul (DM)
• "I never got into eugenics." / "Thought about getting into that in college?"
  -Mike/Nate
• "I want to cast a reversal power of enlarge on Chip's nuts."
  -Mike
• "Okay, that's a little weird... But, make a charisma check."
  -Paul
• "Chip squirts off into the darkness. Does anyone want to go with him?" / "Not with a verb like that!"
  -Paul/Taylor
• "I think I need another Slim Jim. That [burp] didn't taste enough like pig anuses."
  -Paul
• "Yes, I have beef-ish slime on my fingers, of course you want to lick them."
  -Steve
• "Rank's more powerful upside-down than most of you are upright."
  -Paul
• "It looks like a child drew it on a Denny's menu. There's clearly a map on here, but it looks like it was drawn by a mongoloid."
  -Paul
• "Chili, two nights in a row!" / "There go my stealth checks for the next two days."
  -Nate/Steve
• "So Chip delights everybody with his golden flute... flutism. Flautism. With your beans, and your flautulence."
  -Paul
• "A shotgun-chainsaw bayonet?" / "For backstabbing."
  -Taylor/Nicole
• "I have to ask to use my own eyes?!"
  -Nate
• "A four-foot ball of hot... life."
  -Paul
• "Cthulu tentacle, right in the mouth." / "It's gross. You don't like it at all."
  -Nate/Paul
• "It's undulating in your hand, and it's gross."
  -Paul

Painting/Bonfire @ KillerPloys

• "You know what guys? Penises are funny."
  -Myrna
• "You put the wieners away and came back with a pickle?"
  -Ump
• "I see the Big Dipper." / "I see the adequate dipper."
  -Kendra/Garrison
• "Is this thing still raging? Like herpes."
  -Garrison
• "Lutefisk is not a food..." / "It's an industrial product."
  -Spike/Garrison
• "I'm not a black hot dog girl."
  -Myrna
• "I'm a big believer in sacrificial pants."
  -Myrna
• "So, are you saying that Apron is a pussy compared to you when it comes to fire burning?" / "Sure, why not."
  -Garrison/Spike
• "If you think about it, zombies are interminably funky. Like, it's an essential part of their nature."
  -Garrison

General Quotes

• "There's too much hugging in sports." / "It's so hard to score a goal in professional soccer. If I scored a goal in a professional match, I'd make out with all my teammates."
  -Taylor/Dantes
• "I can roll cigarettes faster than anyone. I'm like the John Henry of rolling shit." / (about ten minutes later) "Also, John Henry beat out the early train, which ran at retard speed."
  -Nick/Tommy
• I have the freedom to wear what I want and what I wear says that rhinos are awesome."
  -Bader (COMM 3263)

CONvergence 2011

More quotes are forthcoming, once I sort out the ones that are in my notes sheets from the panels and not in my quotebook. Also, I had no way of quoting the ASL interpreter from Mega Panel who was a comic gem of a human being, and made sure no deaf members of the audience missed out on dwarf sex and douchebaggery.

Mega Panel

• "I had blue hair before Avatar came out."
  -Jeremy Stomberg
• "Seriously, you consider 'boobs' a spoiler?"
  -Derek (Stuntrocker)
• "As me and Jeremy can attest is, given their druthers, women will always choose little bikini bottoms and fishnets rather than fight in pants."
  -Derek
• "There is no robot genitalia, there is no robot urination, there are no robots humping legs."
  -Cargill (re: Transformers 3)
• "Yeah, there was racism, but sometimes racism is funny." / "...He's from Iowa, folks."
  -Derek/Jeremy
• "I'm kind of bothered by the fact that they took away his underpants."
  -Daniel Wallace (re: Superman)
• "What was the thing that you really liked about Transformers 3?" / "The best thing I liked about it was that it was awesome."
  -Audience/Cargill
• "The situation screwed him... and I don't mean the guy from the Jersey Shore."
  -Jeremy
• "There's tons of shit about muppets and puppets at this place."
  -Romeo Azar
• "God, I hate hyphenated America."
  -Jeremy
• "I don't want Superman to fuck me, because that would hurt."
  -Romeo
• "Batman, Superman, Spiderman. You have to marry one, fuck one, and kill one." / "Marry Batman, because Bruce Wayne is rich and you'd be a trophy wife. Fuck Spiderman, because he's really, really flexible. And kill Superman, because then you can say 'I killed Superman'."
  -Audience/Jeremy
• "You're the one who wanted to fuck Spiderman. He's 17, you fucking pedophile."
  -Romeo

Random

• A guy is trying to convince a young girl to tell the House of Toast folks 'surprise me.' Concerned bystander: "That's the kind of advice you get from a drunk guy. Use your va-judgement."

Killer B's Improv Movie Show

• "In reference to the killer shrews you sent by the house the other day, we found them rather unsatisfactory. But quite impervious to bullets."
• "I'm urinating on you with my eye!"
• "Good thing he has that smock on - doesn't want to get computer all over him."
• "They're killer shrews that have become ambulatory." / "And glam. Glambulatory!"
• "I love CONvergence, where they can clap and be angry at the same time."
• "They turned him into a pickle vagina?"
• "Only thing funnier than man without arms is man without arms who bites guy in dick."
• "That giant monkey is so whipped." / "...Phrases that have never been said before."

Steampunk Gadgets Panel

• "There are [respirator mask] cartridges that are rated for fish and giraffes. But if you're huffing fish and giraffes, there's not much I can do to help you."
  -Gordon Smuder

General Quotes 2.0

• Masonry Conference Q&A:"Is there any reason for them to build these cathedral-style ceilings rather than a flat roof which would be easier to connect to the structure?" / "...The Dutch."
  -Attendee/Presenter
• "There's something very wrong about soldering Elmo and him laughing his way through it. Really, guys, that's freaky."
  -Science Museum "Misfit Toys" workshop (re: Tickle Me Elmo)
• "You can submit projects in Spanish, Valencian, or English." / "Ooh, Valencian. I don't even know what that is... but it sounds sexy."
  -Taylor/Adam P.
• "I'm not ashamed to say that Artemus Gordon is my design or engineering idol."
  -Adam P.
• "No, I buy good toilet paper. My ass deserves it!"
  -Paul
• "Pubic hair - how does it work?!"
  -Jessie
• "I can't really go into it, but I met the kung fu master of the universe."
  -Nova Caine
• "When you buy an old house, you buy other people's weird decisions."
  -Ryan
• "I weigh a quarter of an eighth of a ton." / "A 16th." / "That'd be a 32nd, dumbass."
  -Nova/Mark/Ryan
• "Eric's known for dating crazy women." / "So, if you've got a screw loose..."
  -Jessie/Greg
• "What did you do, take a deuce in it? Poison ivy on your ball sack?!"
  -Jessie
• "They have these maple leaf things that I want to have sex with, but I can't figure out how." / "Just put it in there..."
  -Nova/Mark
• While watching a student's animation project of letterforms made of vegetables:
  "Wow, that looked way too much like ovaries. I don't mean to be perverted or anything, but tomatoes were not the first thing I thought of when I saw that."
  -Justin
• "Has the cardstock been causing a lot of fuckery?" / "Not really... it says there's a paper jam when there's not, so I guess it's only moderate fuckery." / "And if you can't handle moderate fuckery, you won't function in the real world." / "Yeah, there's a sliding scale of fuckery in the really world." / "That would make an interesting metric." / "That would make a depressing and awesome infographic." / "That's a great idea." / "Maybe next week, when my eye is no longer twitching from sleep deprivation, I'll work on that." / "Oh man, you're in eye-twitch territory? Your muscles just start to rebel... like, 'Fuck it, this person doesn't know how to run me, I'm just going to twitch'."
  -Andrew S./Taylor/Andrew/Taylor/Andrew/Taylor/Andrew/Taylor/Andrew
• "Our TA looks just like Harry Potter! But don't think back, you have to watch the new Harry Potter to see it." / "Yeah, because after he hit puberty, it's totally different."
  -Nick/Travis
• "You got that Jamie Lee Curtis on there. Gettin' the big ads!" / "What is this... yogurt? I don't want yogurt ads, I want football!"
  -Jeff/Dev
• "Do you think those people with the bake sale would sell more cookies if they wore less clothes?"
  -Tommy
• "He's in my gang." / "Do you have gang signs?" / "No... we'll get tear drop tattoos." / "Been done." / "Flaming tear drop tattoos!"
  -Tommy/Taylor/Tommy/Taylor/Tommy
• "I need to get my pens back, because I stole them from my past employer and can't get more." / "They are very nice pens." / "I know. That's why I stole them."
  -My boss/Justin/boss
• "So how were the last few days of the retreat? It was just you four, wasn't it?" / "Yeah, we really felt that. We felt that you weren't there. Also, we felt that the line between the old world and new world was really blurring."
  -Either existential hipsters, or stoners
• "...and they have debates: 'Do you think Stephanie still smiles when she goes pee?'"
  -Steph
• "They laugh when I curse! If I say 'oh shit,' they giggle." / "That's because it's like watching a baby penguin curse."
  -Steph/Taylor
• "Stop it. She's not going to listen to you if you fling cabbage at her."
  -Liz
• "I think we need to get rid of all this black crap for a while. That's a funky mess."
  - Luke
• "We played 4 or 5 games tonight, and only one person won..." / "You look like you're winning." / "I'm winning at rum!"
  -Jessie/Kelcie/Jessie
• "Yes! That panda got destroyed!" / "Well, that's one less panda we've got to worry about."
  -Jessie/Ryan
• "Clearly, you have never been to prison then. It's very... erotic."
  -Adam H.
• "Stop walking like you have dyslexia! ...I mean, epilepsy."
  -Kennedy
• "I don't do Justin Beaver... Bieber!" / "That was a Freudian slip if ever I heard one."
  -Mom/Taylor
• "NASA's priorities are really messed up." / "That's because Obama told them that space doesn't matter, so they're looking for aliens on Earth now." / "Turns out, Earth is in space."
  -Konrad/Taylor/Konrad
• "You see, in roleplaying, one person is the dungeon-master or game-master or keeper. He or she controls the world and tells the players what they're experiencing..." / "Sounds like hive-mind phone sex."
  -Moss(IT Crowd)/Konrad
• "And everyone gets lice, courtesy of Howl." / "Howl doesn't have lice, he has herpes."
  -Konrad/Evan
• "At least books... well, it's better than organizing, say, your glitter collection." / "I don't know if anyone - besides Martha Stewart - collects glitter." / "But if they did, do you remember Scrooge McDuck, how he would swim through his money? I could see Martha Stewart doing that. Or hookers."
  -Brian/Taylor/Brian
• "I was listening to B96 for one good song on it - the one that's like 'I'm not trying to disrespect you but your butt is really big' or something like that." / "Trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful?" / "Yeah, that one."
  -Liz/Taylor/Liz
• "I hate stout." / "That's not stout, it's Guiness!"
  -Taylor/David
• "You gotta stop letting him shop at Baby Gap."
  -SSgt Brenneis, re: David
• "Our family does weird things." / "With fruit."
  -David/my mom (I don't think she had any idea how that sounded)
• "I enjoy contributing to the delinquency of minors."
  -Valerie
• "She's kinda like me - half her brain is missing."
  -Liz
• "Holy comb! I mean brush. It looks like a war weapon. Back - I will defend my curly locks!"
  -Alex
• "Which would you be, the muscled gay guy, or the... not muscled one?"
  -Stephanie
• "That was a textbook case of 'don't chase your cup into the street'."
  -Alex
• "Who's got daddy's medicine?!"
  -Loud guy w/ lightsaber at MPLS fireworks
• "Last night, I saw this little blonde cutie who was hula-hooping... with a live python around her neck." / "Was this at a circus?" / "This was in Des Moines."
  -Jordan/Taylor/Jordan
• "Nothin' more American than fireworks and yogurt."
  -Jordan
• "I'll bark." / "I'll meow." / "I'll make a camel noise."
  -Liz/Steph/Jordan
• "Minnesota fireworks - SAFE!"
  -Guy @ MPLS fireworks
• "Let's try the less-annoying setting and see how that works."
  -Parent to child @ MPLS fireworks
• "...And then all the interns run up with molotov cocktails."
  -Pastor Mark
• "You back-blocked me... with my face."
  -Kelcie (Hennepinup)
• "Anyone can come - if you bring beer, you're always welcome at my house. Or Hi-C juiceboxes." / "HI-C JUICEBOXES!!!"
  -Guys @ TC Terrors practice
• "You have the biggest, softest, mushiest heart of anyone I know." / "Mushiest... like goulash?"
  -Taylor/Steph
• "Abby, did you put Step Up in there?" / "F*** you guys." / "WHOA, Abby!" / "They were dissing Step Up!"
  -Valerie/Abby/Elliott/Abby
• "Have you seen Hairspray?" / "There's a line, Valerie, between gay and too gay." / "And Hairspray crosses that line."
  -Valerie/Nathan/Elliott
• "What are you doing?!" / "Workouts from the 80's."
  -Valerie/Elliott
• "I thought my name was elephant all the way through kindergarten."
  -Elliott
• "You are stacked, well."
  -Parag (I believe/hope he was referring to a card game)
• "Do you want some food, Brandt?" / "Sure. But first, can I have some dryer sheets?"
  -Valerie/Brandt
• "You're going to the forest? Are you making sure the forest workers are following the laws? What if you meet a cute forest ranger - he can light your fire!"
  -Geena
• "You skydove today? Is that why you made that joke earlier? I didn't know what that meant."
  -Geena
• "I'm not fond of bubble tea. I don't like to chew my drinks."
  -Heather Lee
• "Dolphins were my favorite animal all through childhood, before I knew how horrible they are... gang rape."
  -Katie K.
• "Your grandpa couldn't be burnt alive, so you buried him with sandbags so nobody would know?"
  -Jon
• "I'll be straight with you, there was a drive-by knifing." / "Was it a lance?"
  -Matt/Jon
• "And if you're dead, no talking." / "That's pretty standard of death." / "No hinting, either." / "Oh, I wouldn't be hinting, I'd be haunting."
  -Amy B./Jon/Matt/Katie K.
• "A Jon Brown tried to friend me on facebook. I'm like, 'I already have two Jon Browns, I don't need another'."
  -Katie K.
• "I just taught Jumping Jellyfish this afternoon - a jellyfish is not a fish." / "But... it's the deadliest, so please?"
  -Katie K./Jon
• "Things you would find on a beach." / "Trauma." / "Do you watch Baywatch?"
  -Amy B./Beth/Noah
• "Category - farm animals." / "Ticks." / "Turkey." / "Too bad 'Blake' doesn't start with a T."
  -Amy B./Katie B./Tena/Jon (Scatergories)
• "It says this tree's been girdled." / "It does have a nice figure."
  -Alex P./Theresa
• "A lot of people who sell weed, who smoke a lot of weed, play frisbee golf. So if you want to reach out to those people..."
  -Daniel, trying to convince people to come to his frisbee golf party
• "Let's watch Drumline... is it kind of like Amelie?"
  -Liz
• "I was reading the bible the other day, and I think catholicism might be unbiblical." / "But... the pope's catholic!"
  -Taylor/Sangeetha
• "You've eaten your friends before?" / "No. But I've told my friends which parts of me to eat, should the need arise."
  -Conner/Matt
• "I can't think of anything that works better when it's sticky. Glue, maybe."
  -Conner
• "...Doesn't want to have difficulty fording that biotch. And by biotch, I mean river."
  -Matt
• "I don't like my hands." / "I don't like my feet." / "I don't like my elbows." / "Can you see your elbows?" / "No, but I hear they're jerks."
  -Rachel/Amy B./Conner/Rachel/Conner
• "That's exactly what I want to do, mom. Dig around in your oral cavity when you're dead."
  -Brad
• "But I'm good at drawing saucy ladies."
  -Taylor
• "My body lotion is pomegranate." / "Sometimes I just rub a pomegranate all over myself."
  -Lindsay/Conner
• "My experience is that guys don't share beds." / "My experience is that guys love to share beds. The more the better, especially if you're in sleeping bags. No inappropriate touching can go on in sleeping bags."
  -Erin/Conner
• "That's why I don't party with girls anymore." / "What, since third grade?" / "Now it's all dudes, all the time."
  -Taylor/Damaris/Matt
• "I met a Dario today. That's a weird name, like diarrhea and oreo."
  -Matt
• "Tapanga's a weird name. I'm gonna call my son that."
  -Conner
• "But why is that bad? Jumping a shark sounds pretty cool." / "Exactly - what are you supposed to do after that?" / "Have the Fonz riding a cheetah through a ring of fire. Like, it just becomes the Fonz's Ridiculous Happy Hour."
  -Conner/Taylor/Conner
• "Hey Dennis, you wanna go smoke a bowl? Get chotched?"
  -Conner
• "Didn't Jim Morrison just defecate on stage, and everyone thought he was cool? Not because their music was good, but because he pooped all over the place."
  -Conner
• "I think you should shave a maze in your beard." / "Or should I do starburns?" / "You should do lightning bolts - they're easier and classier." / "Great beard of Zeus!" / "No, Zeus had a full beard. Or maybe have the lightning bolts on the sides, like with gel. Or like it could be a full beard, with a lightning storm going on inside!"
  -Matt/Conner/Taylor/Damaris/Conner
• "Was that your boyfriend on the phone?" / "It was my grandmother." / "Even better!"
  -Matt/Taylor/Matt
• "I think you're an idiot savant." / "I think I'm a thesbian. Which is like a lesbian, but not."
  -Blake/Evan
• "Get your hand out of her vagina!"
  -Evan (at Sgt. Pepper and the back up dancer in the photo booth at Kitty Cat Klub)
• "It's not birthday tickle time." / "It's always birthday tickle time!"
  -Evan/Konrad
• "Next stretch - this one's called the porn star..." / "...and my eleven year old daughter's watching. Nice."
  -Candace/derby recruit
• "I can't believe how much longer this line looks with 3D glasses!"
  -Grizzly Madden @ NSRG championship
• "Darth Vader, can I... can I hug you?"
  -NSRG fan
• "My registration time was at 2:30, but I was at the homeless shelter and they didn't have wi-fi or anything!"
  -Girl on #3 bus
• "Why he call you so early? You tell him to call you at breakfast time, or lunch time. He called you at fucking time!" / "What, 8:42 is fucking time?" / "Yeah!"
  -Arguing couple on #10 bus
• "Pastor Peter, you don't understand! I had to punch my grandma - she was taunting me!"
  -Peter H. (during the Hell, Fuzzy Bunnies, and Brimstone message)
• "That blanket's really warm. ...That's a blanket, right?"
  -Leah
• "I'm like a carnie - I have a pocket on my shirt."
  -Leah
• "Kids were krumping at my birth." / "That sounds painful."
  -Katie K./Caleb
• "He was normal other than that, that he had fangs and a Transylvanian accent."
  -Jon
• "She had a family thing." / "Sounds like Cable - always having family things when people have parties. Like, 'my third great niece thing just landed'."
  -Jon
• "Wow, two of each color! Like Noah's Ark."
  -Conner
• "Me and Caleb saw that in the theater." / "Mulan?" / "No! We would have been like nine." / "Guess who's coming to my birthday." / "Mulan?"
  -Jon/Katie K./Jon/Katie K./Jon
• "Bears and barbecue sauce - it's a natural combination."
  -Katie K.
• "As a last resort - if you wre in the middle of the wilderness and you killed a bunch of polar bears to live in their heat - 'some like it Hoth'..."
  -Jon
• "It was like her voice spewed onto paper, and it ended up in the elevator."
  -Jon
• "Dude, we're eating a bear; you have to have some sort of meat-related plate."
  -Jon
• "Hey Amy, if Minnesota has gay marriage when we're fifty and we're both still single, do you want to get married? For kicks and giggles... and tax reasons."
  -Taylor
• "Pterodactyls don't have goatees, last time I checked."
  -Tim R.
• "I'm not into novelty fish, but I'd buy that."
  -Tim R.
• "You know what my boss tried to tell me today? That George Bush is a serial killer... and Shamu."
  -Jon
• "Don't judge me, one of my presets is B96. But it's 'Birthday Sex' so it works out!"
  -Katie K., on her birthday
• "Emily, do you want to come over for some coconut oil? Just rub it on..."
  -Elliott
• "I got through, not to Delilah, but to her screener. So I said, 'My name is Bill, and' ...this is gonna sound stupid... I requested a song, you know, for those lonely nights."
  -Bill S.
• "I don't like sweet boys." / "I do, if they have balls."
  -Taylor/Liz
• "You're a horrible person, Valerie." / "Why, because I slap dogs?"
  -Elliott/Valerie
• "It's also not rock and roll without leather pants... which is why Jeremiah's wearing leather pants under those jeans."
  -Pete
• "Our computer set-up's name is Jeffrey. He's temperamental like a disgruntled stepson."
  -Pete
• "If a contract killer ever had to kill Elizabeth, it'd be a terrible ordeal. They'd just go to the library, start picking people off, and hoping for the best."
  -Overheard at the Kitty Cat Klub
• "That jacket makes you walk like a pterodactyl." / "Like a velociraptor? Pterodactyls are the ones with wings." / "Yeah, but have you ever seen a pterodactyl run?" / "No, I've never seen that." / "Well, just imagine what it would be like, running with a 15-foot wingspan."
  -Jeremiah/Pete/Jeremiah/Pete/Jeremiah
• "Satelloons... sounds like frilly undergarments for celestial objects." / "So what happens if there's a black hole in your celestial undergarments?"
  -Taylor/Konrad
• "My straw fell out, and I was concerned that you got wet."
  -Valerie
• "We were sitting over there. Then we decided on this table, which is good because it suits my sensory needs."
  -Liz
• "Fish is awesome. " / "That's a wicked rumor." / "...You're married?!" / "That is also a wicked rumor."
  -Elliott/Fish/Emily/Fish
• "I don't think I would mind the naked guy showering, but it would just be weird if he had an erection."
  -Emily
• "Sometimes when I drink alcohol, I speak English better. Not to mention other languages."
  -Valerie
• "Elvis Presley is tasty and patriotic!"
  -Elliott
• "Was it like a nun with a ruler?" / "She was like a nun with a sword!"
  -Steven/Phyllis
• "Women like a lot of things that shouldn't exist." / "Like Fabio!"
  -Taylor/Ward
• "You should not moon her friends." / "There's nothing unchristian about ass."
  -Fish/Ward
• "Steven, there's a party in my pants, and you're invited." / "Are you going to RSVP?"
  -Sam/Elliott
• "It makes me happy when people are addicted to things."
  -Valerie
• "That's all laxatives are, is sawdust."
  -Elliott
• "I don't like watches." / "Me either - they make my wrist look anorexic."
  -Valerie/Elliott
• "Why did you start my dishwasher?" / "My butt just wanted to help." / "But it's already clean." / "My butt didn't think to ask."
  -Valerie/Fish/Valerie/Fish
• "My uterus doesn't like rollerblading."
  -Amy B.
• "As long as we didn't put bologna on it, it's not a federal offense."
  -JT
• "She's a Jewish princess with a trust fund out east." / "...an actress??"
  -Steph/Taylor (re: 3OH!3 lyrics)
• "I wasn't hitting on girls, I was lovin' Miranda."
  -Liz
• "Wait, what are we talking about? Taggers, rappers, or football players?" / "I'm talking about people who look like orcs."
  -Taylor/Katie K
• "I'm like in a birthday sandwich!"
  -Amy B.
• "This is not my real hair." / "Shut up! I need it to be real!"
  -ElNO member/Katie K.
• "Can you be my kids' creepy aunt?" / "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."
  -Amy B./Taylor
• "Aw, she's back to tempt me again!"
  -Steph
• "Is that mini donuts? It smells like corned beef."
  -Noelle
• "I'm telling you, as a connoisseur of beards, that it's alright."
  -Katie K.
• "Lady Gaga? She's pretty. I would take her out for dinner... then realize I can't keep up with her." / "That sounds like the plot for a really weird romantic comedy." / "Taking Lady Gaga Home to Meet the Parents?"
  -Ian/Taylor/the other girl who works in the lab on Fridays
• "But you have to realize, sometimes people have Christmas carols playing at midnight. Get over it!"
  -Girls in KIN3505
• "It's not like we pretended to be churchgoers and then she moved in and we broke out the cocaine."
  -Girls in KIN3505
• "Wow, how amazing! They're male and female watches, and they learned how to procreate and make baby watches!"
  -Peter H.
• "I don't care how many times a tornado goes through a junkyard, it's not going to create a jumbo jet."
  -Peter H.
• "...it was something about camel genitals, which is weird, because I don't think they have camels in Latin America. So they're inferior to Europe because of that. And the lions - because their lions don't have manes." / "So Latin Americans are inferior to Eurpeans because their animals are sissies?"
  -People at St. Paul Student Center
• "It's got a clean milk taste."
  -Evan
• "There are just some unfortunate implications when you say you want to eat munchkins." / "I would think they'd be fortunate implications with your line of thinking - didn't you want to see if people pop when you boil them?" / "Well, yeah, but are you going to boil them before you eat them?" / "I hear they get stringy when you boil them."
  -Taylor/Konrad/Taylor/Evan
• "Where'd you get that bruise?! Oh wait... that's your knee."
  -Liz
• "Maybe you should crash on Taylor's couch." / "...Her roommates might do weird things to me."
  -Morgan/Konrad
• "I was doing what the sign said. Even though I wrote the sign."
  -Konrad
• "But why do you have a CAD program if you're just making a pinhole camera?"
  -Konrad
• "The weed there is better... they grow tons of it." / "What, like dandelions?"
  -Caleb/Charles
• "Switchcraft is evil."
  -Caleb L.
• "Do you ever feel like you have a flock of birds in your head? ...And they're pooping all over the place."
  -Taylor
• "I have layers." / "Parfait layers or onion layers?" / "Onion parfait layers. Mmmm... See, that's what makes me special."
  -Taylor/Amy B./Taylor
• "She did NOT have to kill Fred or Lupin or Tonks." / "Or Dobby." / "Why not George... he was already missing an ear, why not finish him off?"
  -Taylor/Amy B./Taylor
• "You were one of those child uncles?"
  -Jon
• "So, how's that town coming? With shopping malls and crime..." / "Shoreview?"
  -Jon/Katie K
• "Body cast, nunnery, prison camp... check, check, check. This sucks!"
  -Jon
• "It's so weird to see him as a guy with a gun, as opposed to the guy with... I don't know, dry cleaning."
  -Jon
• "Don't blame me - I don't even know what Turkish Delight looks like!"
  -Taylor
• "That's why you never rent a wetsuit." / "Why, because people take naps in them?"
  -Katie K/Jon
• "If you get a sentence, you draw a picture, and if you get a picture, write a sentence." / "And if you get some Turkish Delight, you go RAWWRRAR [pterodactyl noises]."
  -Taylor/Jon
• "Why is it on the floor?" / "We had to kick it." / "Don't you usually hit pinatas?" / "It was a European... Soccer Pinata." / "Straight out of Mexico."
  -Jon/Taylor/Jon/Lydia/Jon
• "It's a traveshamockery."
  -Matt
• I come up here at 4AM... sneak in your room... take pictures..." / "Drool a little." / "Give you a foot massage." / "The creepy thing is, I snuck in and took pictures of him doing that to you."
  -Pete L./Jacob H./Pete L./Jacob H.
• "He got hit by a sword. That's way more bad-ass than whatever happened to you."
  -Jeff
• "He didn't know me. I wanted to ask him why he wanted me to be part of his church." / "To rape you and kill you." / "I get that a lot."
  -Jordan/Fish/Jordan
• "My grandmother used to have this wallpaper that would just thrill me while I was in the bathroom."
  -Elliott
• "I can't decide whether you're talking crazy or real."
  -Fish
• "I was busy. No, that's a damn lie. I went and sat at a coffee shop for two hours."
  -Elliott
• "Science is math's bitch."
  -Elliott
• "I think he just wanted to take his pants off." / "Well, when I'm eighty, I think I'd take the opportunity to take my pants off."
  -Taylor/Fish
• "In Soviet Russia, pinata swings at you."
  -Konrad
• "What's the occassion for this pinata?" / "Well, [Taylor] requisitioned one for the party." / "You can requisition a pinata?!" / "With the appropriate forms."
  -Jacob H./Konrad/Jacob H./Taylor
• "We're making pinatas. One's going to be a jellyfish, and one's a pokeball." / "Awesome - we can put Jeff in it!"
  -Konrad/Jacob H.
• "I'm just old - I'm getting creaky." / "Getting creepy?" / "No, I'm not getting creepy. I've been creepy."
  -Brad/Damaris/Brad
• "I never got Pokemon." / "I was all up in that action."
  -?/Levi
• "I gave her a ride last time." / "Did she snarl at you? And stab you?" / "You guys make me sound like a badger."
  -Elliott/Valerie/Taylor
• "I don't know how firing a guy who it cost $25,000 to train is good for the country... what does being gay have to do with putting a missile in something?" / "Well, he's putting a missile in something."
  -Fish/Elliott
• "This is a steel trap. Well, almost a steel trap. A plastic trap, maybe." / "A Fisher Price trap."
  -Valerie/Elliott
• "I really liked that girl's hair." / "It made me nervous."
  -Valerie/Elliott
• "Why can't you eat ice cream?" / "Trust issues with dairy."
  -?/Elliott
• "I'm not a physically violent person, but I just want to punch people."
  -Elliott
• "I don't know the geographic distribution of coconuts."
  -Fish
• "I've got an awkward moment for you - I got a text from someone named Oliver. I don't know anyone named Oliver, but..." / "That's my phone."
  -Evie/Elliott
• "I'm talkin' smack about dead philosophers."
  -Fish
• "It was like a three-course cheese."
  -Elliott
• "She's so funny - and witty." / "I'm not witty. I just said 'boobs'."
  -Valerie/Fish
• "Are you left-handed?" / "No. But I love Jews and left-handed people!"
  -Taylor/Valerie
• "You may pop in and out as much as you please, and eat as much as you want." / "That's what she said."
  -Parag/Fish
• "This is not an ideal situation for proving that measuring is worth something. Elliott's over there eyeballing the quarter cup..." / "I'm working with what I've got here! It was a set up!" / "I have tools!" / "Tools... a mud hut, and sticks."
  -Fish/Elliott/Valerie/Fish
• "I did not adulterate your coffee - would you like me to?"
  -Fish
• "Hi. I'd look at you, but I'm measuring."
  -Elliott
• "...Now I can add bedbugs to my animal sex portfolio!" / "You're sick." / "No, just interested."
  -Amy B/Noah/Amy B
• "I've been called a creeper several times in the past." / "Why, because you talk about octopus sex in public?" / "Yeah. Just things like that, though, I'm not like a 'sexual predator' creeper."
  -Amy B/Taylor/Amy B
• "They're such meanies. Gosh, Steve, what a douche."
  -Amy B
• "You should just cuddle over there." / "Cuddling implies we're both comfortable."
  -Konrad/Evan
• "It was a list for transvestites... or people in prison? Transvestites in prison, maybe."
  -Konrad
• "Can sparks fly at your halloween party? No pun intended."
  -Evan (regarding the voltage limit/maximum fire risk we had to set for Morgan and Evan's costumes)
• "I want to mess with her mind - you know, try to seduce her." / "You'd better have a darned good escape plan. She's kind of voracious." / "Konrad's my escape plan." / "I don't know if that works. She might just want both of us." / "Then Taylor's our escape plan."
  -Evan/Taylor/Evan/Konrad/Evan
• "It's a mess, but that's okay because it still tastes good." / "That's what she said."
  -Morgan/Evan
• "I don't like that it's curved like that." / "That's what she said."
  -Evan/Konrad
• "A ring made of rock candy would be awesome!" / "What, like ring pops? Those always just made my hands sticky." / "Well you were probably just sucking on it wrong." / "That's what she said."
  -Taylor/Konrad/Taylor/Evan
• "Is it keyed properly?" / "Yeah, I think you just have to force it through." / "That's what she said."
  -Konrad/Evan/Konrad
• "I think kids who play Mousetrap have a better chance of becoming engineers later in life. Nature versus nurture." / "I'll nature your nurture."
  -Taylor/Evan
• "UAC! Unapproved ass contact!"
  -Konrad
• (lisp) "If I'm overstepping my bounds, just punch me."
  -Evan
• "I really needed to find a dungeonmaster!" / "Have you tried craigslist?" / "No, that's creepy. I'd get killed by a dungeonmaster with a vorpal sword or something."
  -Evan/Taylor/Evan
• "Don't look at me while I do it." / "That's what she said."
  -Evan / Taylor & Konrad
• "I'm lulling you into a false sense of security so I can drop a refrigerator on your hand."
  -Konrad
• "Was anyone around when they had the MIR I exhibit at the Mall of America? We somehow walked away from that with flightsuits."
  -Jeremy
• "I feel like we all have to bake at the same place - you know, for accountability."
  -Valerie
• "I have never baked a pineapple upside-down cake; I cannot confirm or deny these reports."
  -Fish
• "Nice water bottle, Jeremy." / "Thanks. It might not be mine, though. We bought a three-pack at Sam's Club, and all I know is, I don't drink out of the pink one."
  -Valerie/Jeremy
• "Yeah... I guess I'm just talking out my ass." / "Well... sometimes you just have to let the mouse out."
  -Taylor/Liz
• "I love people who love the body!"
  -Liz
• "Hey, you know, you're in space, you're lonely... things happen. With cobras."
  -Caleb
• "...But then I was like, 'No, I need a dirty weekend with Taylor'."
  -Caleb
• "But they're better than those people who put rocks on your back." / "What rocks? Heavy rocks, hot rocks, smooth rocks? ...Boulders?"
  -Taylor/Elliott
• "Why am I the cake bitch?"
  -Elliott
• "I just feel like I'm killing its baking cycle. I'm sorry, cake."
  -Elliott
• "Are you a dental hygienist? Or like a rogue practitioner?"
  -Elliott
• "I don't mind gettin' a little freaky with the Ghost... I'll do the robot for my redeemer."
  -Peter H.
• "Like, if I didn't start two-stepping, Jesus was gonna be angry with me."
  -Pastor Peter
• "You guys! Just play in the street! That was a car that just went by, but seriously, how many others are there going to be?"
  -Anne Marie
• "Hey Conner! You're my roommate." / "We live together." / "Why didn't you come together?" / "I was being a hermit in the attic." / "What? I didn't know you were home."
  -Andrew H./Conner/Noah/Conner/Andrew H.
• "You have enough octopus sex at work?"
  -Noah (Amy went on one of her animal sex rants)
• "It's a girl! Don't worry about touching her. You're supposed to touch her, because it's dancing. Make sure you touch her - she wants that."
  -Conrad
• "What's your plan for the day, man?" / (In a legitimate British Belgian accent) "My plan... is to become the next... Slim Shady."
  -Architecture guys
• "An eye for an eye doesn't work." / "It does if I start with more eyes than you."
  -Konrad/Pete L.
• "If it was just Bryan, we'd have regenerative steering."
  -Pete L.
• "And Ryan just admitted to playing with wood." / "So did you." / "Dammit!"
  -Jeff L./Pete L./Jeff L.
• "Is it possible that there is no alpha male? Since they're engineers, would they be epsilon males?"
  -Jacob H.
• "Why does everyone keep touching me? People used to die for things like that."
  -Jacob H.
• "We tried to figure out how to manage that, and we decided you would have to stack the kittens, and sprinkle cat food on top. And get a crane or something to stir them so the kittens on the bottom can breathe..." / "So this is like a kitten-based aggregate?" / "Yeah."
  -Evan/Jacob H./Evan

Ojibwe Forests 2009

• "Those aren't hot at all. I could urinate and it'd be hotter than that."
  -Caleb

• "Taylor, we figured out what kind of car you should drive. A Swift - then it'd be a Taylor Swift... I'd drive a Taylor Swift." / "Uh..." / "No, not... nevermind."
  -Caleb/Taylor/Caleb

• "Are you lying to me again... with the pterodactyls?"
  -Rally Medic

• "Your parents aren't jiggy with it."
  -Adem

• "Nothin' classier than stogies and gatorade." / "Stogies and gade? We should start a facebook group."
  -Taylor/Caleb

• "I don't think it's a good idea for anything to go in my mouth and out my nose." / "That's what she said."
  -Taylor/Caleb

• "Hey, one day you're going to be 64 and you're going to want to be frisky." / "I'm going to want to be dead."
  -Caleb/Adem

• "I found the strangest thing in the shop the other day..." / "Cancer?"
  -Adem/Caleb

• "I'm more of a Chris Brown fan right now - the way he treats women..."
  -Caleb

• "Did that sign just say 'Betty's Bloomers - Open Ahead'?" / "Yep. Sounds like a bordello."
  -Caleb/Adem

• "Did you have tea with your girlfriends a lot in the 1800's?" / "Yeah, you know, I'm one of those vampires... that changes genders."
  -Taylor/Caleb

• "They just used Angelina Jolie to attract people to that movie." / "I was attracted by the weave of destiny." / "I was attracted by Morgan Freeman being a bad-ass."
  -Jaymes/Caleb/Adem

• "Your crotch is highly musical."
  -Adem

General Quotes 1.0

• "You like robots and shit, right?" / "Well, I like robots..."
  -Alex A./Taylor

• "You have a tornado on your back!"
  -Alex A.

• "I had a quasi-imaginary mountain lion friend once."
  -Evan

• "You give me 'woohoo' or you don't get money."
  -Matt

• "I don't even have to ask for it, he just gives it to me. That's why marriage is great."
  -Damaris

• "What kind if athlete are you?" / "The kind of athlete who sells drugs on the side."
  -Matt/Damaris

• "Uh oh! Your vodka is pissing off this piece of paper!"
  -Matt

• "What the heck. Give me a girl, and give me forty thousand dollars." / "That's what she said."
  -Amy B./Matt

• "I did it in a bathroom in Reno. ...That doesn't sound right."
  -Caleb

• "If you're good at it, it's not gambling. It's like investing."
  -Brian T.

• "You know what you should do? You should make a Georgia O'Keefe style mosaic out of rose petals, but make it really look like a vagina. No ambiguity."
  -Matt

• "Was he a boy or a she?"
  -Brian T.

• "Was that the first sex joke you heard today?" / "No, my brother had one earlier. But I think he just said 'tonight'."
  -Zeb/Jon

• "That is a sweet coffee cup." / "You're a sweet coffee cup."
  -Taylor/Matt

• "Do you think he let her into his backseat?"
  -Cassie

• "Is that why you stopped coming dancing? Like, 'I just have nightmares of Amanda's butt chasing me'?"
  -Amanda

• "Aw, Adem! Who's my Adem? Adem's so cute!" / "I'm sort of creeped out." / "It's time for the Whose Is Bigger game." / "Now I'm doubly creeped out." / "No, in the movie... Aw, poor Adem, he's so creeped out."
  -Konrad/Adem/Konrad/Adem/Konrad

• "My guns actually shoot Jews. Projectile Semites."
  -Konrad

• "Awesome - she's my money girl! My suga' momma of green cards!"
  -Matt

• "Leonardo Da Vinci - he's like a legend in our time, and he's not even in our time. He invented flying, walking, breathing, and air."
  -Jon

• "I am not picking Helen Keller!" / "What a frickin' travesty!"
  -Amy B./Matt

• "It's not funny to make fun of Helen Keller." / "Dude, I know ASL, and she's not here to defend herself."
  -Damaris/Jon

• "If Caleb's feet were in the safe zone, he'd be in other people's problems."
  -Jon

• "Sultry... oranges, beets, and forest fires. That sounds like the name of something awesome - like a band!"
  -Matt

• "Shakespeare was puffy on so many levels."
  -Matt

• "Yetis have Tibet citizenship, not China citizenship."
  -Guys on the bus

• "Haven't you ever seen an anarchist before?" / "Not in real life - only on the BBC."
  -Taylor/Steph

• "You don't know how to dive anyway." / "Whatever - I can do a triple lutz. Oh, wait, that's ice skating."
  -Annette/Caleb

• "Did you google it?" / "No, it's on my google calendar to google this week."
  -Mrs. Von Vett/Caleb

• "You know what they say, Annette. Better to have made a lot of money and lost it than never to have made a lot of money at all." / "You're turning into mom with your idioms." / "No, I got it correct, I just switched it around to fit my purposes."
  -Caleb/Annette/Caleb

• "Nothing better than cooking a hot dog over roasted ant flesh."
  -Caleb

• "I was wondering why there was a hang glider in the yard when I pulled up." / "You know, now that the kids are out of the house, our true sides can come out. Our hang gliding sides."
  -Caleb/Mrs. Von Vett

• "You can make a robot together - a love robot! Not in a dirty way..."
  -Damaris

• "How would Georgia O'Keefe be responsible? She draws vaginas!"
  -Damaris

• "Sunsets." / "Suncests? That sounds kinda dirty."
  -Waiters at Chatterbox

• "He's clean in a barnacle-y kinda way."
  -Damaris (re: Jacques Costeau)

• "If I was a mad scientist of the bio variety, that's what I'd do with my time."
  -Adem

• "You really did a number up there, Sand. You shouldn't have signed it." / "Signed it with your ass!" / "Perfect ass."
  -The Spirit/Adem/Konrad

• "It tastes like pinesol!"
  -Konrad (re: Mountain Dew and milk)

• "No, I am not going to taste it." / "That's what she said."
  -Adem/Konrad

• "My gradnparents used to send those as stuffing stalkers."
  -Amy B.

• "That's Buudha's younger brother, Steve."
  -Brad

• "I took some 'tussin a few hours ago and I'm still coughing up a lung." / "Tuberculosis?" / "I was innoculated for that as a child. Whooping cough? That too. ...It could be SARS."
  -Tim R./Brad/Tim R.

• "Is it weird that everyone's sticking their hands in my cup?"
  -Jon

• "It only got extreme for people with a conscience."
  -Brad

• "I did it on short notice. Well, not short notice, but short... doing."
  -Conner

• "For my foreign language song, I've got Rammstein: Amerika." / "Just because they misspelled America doesn't mean it's a foreign language."
  -Jesse H./Tim R.

• "You wouldn't let your daughter go to Germany and get married, right?" / "Whose daughter? Why Germany?" / "I'm trying to make this analogy about if you were a parent." / "Well, it's not a very good analogy, because I'm not at all maternal. The kids want to go marry people in other countries? Fine!"
  -Liz/Taylor/Liz/Taylor

• "Which boy? Her new screw toy?" / "Yeah, she was making a salad, and he was over there rubbing her."
  -Taylor/Liz

• "I love you. ...in a strictly straight and bigoted way."
  -Taylor

• "Try factoring. Something magical will probably happen."
  -Jessica S. (MATH 1155 teacher)

• "If you ever want nachos, I have this... nacho thing. What's it called? Salsa."
  -Liz

• No spitting, no crying, no pinching your neighbor."
  -Bill M. (DESI 3010 instructor, as we were getting into his car to visit his print studio)

• "I like being upside down, but then my pants fall all funny."
  -Konrad

• "Do that thing to me! Cuddle me!"
  -Kevin

• "As the general officer type person, I will do... general officer type things."
  -Steta

• "You have a book like a steel trap!"
  -Amy F.

• "I think I was a... what's her butt? I was a Hillary Clinton at one point."
  -Amy F.

• "Did you make your own educational videos?" / "Yeah, our own sex ed videos." / "What?!" / "It was kind of hard because it was just me and my sister..."
  -Taylor/Caleb/Taylor & Jaymes/Caleb

• "I think I had a... a... mind lapse?" / "Attention deficit?" / "No, I just zoned out."
  -Liz/Taylor/Liz

• "I'm finally learning how to be the boy!"
  -Amy F.

• "Amanda's one of the only people who can be cute with immunity." / "Even at a funeral?" / "Do you see a lot of cute people at funerals?" / "I saw a cute cousin at a funeral once. But then I was like, wait, she's my cousin."
  -Taylor/Matt/Taylor/Matt

• "You guys are obnoxious." / "Obnoxious? I'm handicapped!"
  -Taylor/Charles

• "I was putting forks down the lion's pants, and then he started pushing my buttons and one thing led to another... and well, I need to get some repairs."
  -Caleb

• "You wanna call the provost on me? Go ahead - I dare you."
  -Prof. Watson

• "That's dangerous - you should not anthropomorphize atoms or electrons because...? Because they don't like it."
  -Prof. Watson (CHEM)

• "How open are they closed 'til?"
  -Steph

• "So it lights up and makes noise. This is the ideal toy." / "I don't know how to play with it, though."
  -Taylor/Liz

• "So one of you has mom jeans, and one of you has Jimi Hendrix jeans." / "Who's Jimi Hendrix, and why does he have my jeans?"
  -Taylor/Steph

• "So how are the squirrels?" / "They're horny as ever." / "I just want to drill a hole, and put some glass up there." / "So you can watch them mate on our rooftop?!"
  -Liz/Taylor/Liz/Taylor

• "You've got to end the movie with the Russian voice-over." / "Because Russians are pimps." / "In fact, there are many Russian pimps." / "Adam has three of them on speed dial."
  -Taylor/Adem/Adam S./Ryan M.

• "A machine shop isn't a bad place in an apocalypse situation." / "If I had to make a last stand, I'd want to be able to run someone through a band saw." / "Or over a belt sander?" / "How long would it take to sand someone's nose off? What's the CFS speed of a face?"
  -Adem/Taylor/Adem/Taylor

• "Matrini!!!"
  -Jawa incursion?

• [Watching The Invasion] "You owe me an hour on your couch." / "What makes you think anyone could help you in an hour?" / "So she's a prostitute?" / "She's a psychiatrist!"
  -The Invasion/The Invasion/Konrad/Morgan

• "I'm putting on my shoes." / "Everyone knows what happens next. You get a room at the inn..." / "And my unmarried wife gives birth... to Jesus."
  -Caleb/Jon/Caleb

• "It's like a minefield - some cookies are hot, some are just tepid." / "The Tempest? This one's Othello." / "This one's a fellow?" / "Yeah... but I won't know about the other ones until I turn them over."
  -Caleb/Jon/Caleb/Jon

• "Did you know an early investor in Discovery Zone was Billie Jean King?" / "Who?" / "Lesbian tennis player." / "Who beat that guy down!" / "With a pipe?" / "That was the figure skater. No, with Nancy Kerrigan's body."
  -Taylor/Caleb/Taylor/Jon/Caleb/Jon

• "Did you just pull cookies out of the freezer?" / "He's pullin' stuff out of everywhere! He's got a goat in there."
  -Amy B/Jon

• "Do you ever use these [cupboards]?" / "It's a crack pot!" (I think she meant crock pot) / "Amy might be a drug dealer on the side! But what if you made them in a crock pot?!"
  -Jon/Amy B/Jon

• "This is going to blow your mind. I'm opening the gates on fake secrecy!"
  -Jon

• "The eternally dying tadpole... that's supposed to be your boss?"
  -Jon

• "What, like Secret Sunday Sexual Encounters?"
  -Jon

• "There's a big difference between astronomy and astrology. I'm not a Pisces, but I like to play one on TV."
  -Prof. Watson

• "When I went to college, I wanted to be an engineer. A civil engineer - I wanted to build stuff. Then I took organic chemistry, and my teacher taught me how to build stuff - psylocibin, LSD, mescaline... And I said, 'Yes!'"
  -Prof. Watson

• "You're all going to practice your whistling today - we're going to do it together. So... pucker up and blow."
  -Prof. Watson (CHEM 1021)

• "So much for Shaken Baby Syndrome." / "Better than Bulleted Baby Syndrome."
  -Taylor/Adam S.

• "I'm not edible, Konrad!" / "Your shoulder tasted good."
  -Adem/Konrad

• "And who was Hyacinthus? ...Apollo's lover-boy."
  -Prof. Casarino (final exam review question)

• "It's about time we incited Canada to independence."
  -Taylor

• "I've never been touched with a wooden spoon."
  -Glenise

• "I love/hate the rabies phone - you never know what you're gonna get."
  -Glenise

• "As for disturbances - cell phones, pagers... music machines - turn them off."
  -Prof. Watson (CHEM 1021) (music machines? I brought my synthesizer to class...)

• "I made a Great Gatsby reference in a solar car meeting once, but I don't think anyone noticed. Hammer said later that it was beyond us." / "No, I think the rest of us were just thinking about genitals and sleeping with each other." / "What?! I think your odds were probably screwed up..." / "Why did nobody tell me this?"
  -Konrad/Adem/Taylor/Konrad

• "I don't think my teabag is valid anymore."
  -Amy B.

• "I was applying for an internship, and one thing they wanted was chainsaw skills..."
  -Konrad

• "Have you guys ever hugged a tree before? It's the most gratifying experience ever."
  -Alex A.

• "Well, there were lots of lesbian characters in our play dates." / "Your what?!"
  -KG/Noelle

• "It was a game for girls - you didn't get matched up with her. It wasn't like 'Musical Sexual Orientations'!"
  -Noelle

• "He reads those books... when he can." / "What, like reading fits? Quick - smelling salts!"
  -KG/Noelle

• "I'm just saying, if you were a door and you had the hots for Taylor, wouldn't you want to be her bedroom door?"
  -Noelle (this thought is so unsettling...)

• "The door's flirting with Taylor again." / "Well, wouldn't you?"
  -Brian/Noelle

• "I could have sworn you just said 'concubine'." / "There are no concubines in my forest." / "There are in mine."
  -Noelle/KG/Noelle (I'd like to see the signs in that state park: beware bears and concubines.)

• "Even if she stole the man, that implies that she had the man to begin with - that there was man-having going on."
  -KG

• "Flamingos! Are they taxidermi... tized?"
  -Steph

• "Free love!" / "No free love for you!" / "...Love for money!"
  -Steph/Noelle/Steph

• "She'll flirt with anything that moves. She flirted with a table once." / "Tables don't move..." / "That didn't stop her from remarking on what nice legs it had."
  -Brian/Taylor/Brian

• "Russians do not know love, they do not know pain, they do not know fear." / "But they do dance and play hockey." / "And have sex, on polar bear skins." / "They were just kissing! ...with all their clothes off."
  -Taylor/Brian/KG/Steph

• "Are there any hockey teams in the Twin Cities?" / "What?! Are there hockey teams?! Does it snow it the Twin Cities?! Does the pope wear funny hats?"
  -KG/Noelle (silly Easterners and their weird ideas about hockey and Minnesota)

• "I thought you were going to bring me sugar." / "I brought it in here." / "I wouldn't want to see either of them bringing each other sugar." / "Sketchy!"
  -KG/Steph/Noelle/Steph

• "It has to do with monkeys." / "I can make it about vampires, just ask me." / "Wow - I wish I could turn monkeys into vampires."
  -Mom/Bailey (kid sister)/Taylor

• "Please don't tell me you got checked out by a polar bear, because I will lose it."
  -Taylor

• "It's still a WRX, but also a wagon." / "Like a wagon incognito." / "If they called it that, I think more people would buy them."
  -Taylor/Sangeetha/Taylor

• "I need a hat. Or some of those ear-hugs things." / "What, like tiny bears that hug your ears from behind?" / "Ear molesters?"
  -Sangeetha/Taylor/Sangeetha

• "If it works for motors, it can work for magazines!"
  -Morgan (it had something to do with a page-turning device involving magnets, I think)

• "If I know my Caesar, and I think I do..." / "If I know my Caesie..."
  -Katie K. / Conner (apparently Conner and the leader of the Roman world are on pet-name terms...)

• "The People's Court? With Judge 'She's-Kind-of-Hispanic Looking'?"
  -Katie K.

• "I love how Jesus was born with a furry mane." / "At least he's not blonde - like, Jesus-from-the-Great-White-North." / "Son of Thor!"
  -Conner / Katie K. / Conner

• "Did you see the parking lot this morning? I got a spot right in front." / "You got princess parking and you're not even a girl!"
  -Caleb / Amy F

• "I think I have flour and glue in my eye." / "It's better than anti-seize." / "But my body likes anti-seize better." / "Pro-seize. ...Just don't try lubing your bearings with paper mache."
  -Taylor/Konrad/Taylor/Konrad

• "It's really bad when you start a joke but can't follow it through to fruition."
  -Konrad

• "I feel sort of awkward about frosting his crotch."
  -Taylor

• "So, what do you ask on a lesbian double date?"
  -Steph

• "I hope my 'midnight lover' doesn't smell like that!"
  -Steph

• "Do you guys have a hot date or something?" / "You want to come?" / "I'll be your date!" / "...I'm locking my door now."
  -Taylor/Liz/KG/Taylor

• "I can't see my hand placement when people take pictures!" / "Well, why are you touching yourself anyway?"
  -Caleb/Caleb's uncle

• "Random access memory... what is this? Jazz hands?!"
  -Caleb's uncle

• "Your shoes have what we used to call a 'Cuban' heel. Nothing to do with Castro..."
  -Caleb's grandmother

• "Now us tall people have to carry cups with us so we can use the drinking fountain - we don't even get wheelchairs to hang our stuff on!" / "You have legs that work - shut up!"
  -Caleb's mom/Caleb

• "Did you touch this, Caleb?" / "Well, I caressed it, but other than that..."
  -Caleb's mom/Caleb

• "Rabbits are supposed to be quiet." / "Not if they have clogs on their feet!" / "What...?"
  -Taylor/Liz/Taylor (to this day, I do not know what she was talking about)

• "I have to be home at one - I have to go play with boys. ...No, I mean little boys. No..."
  -Liz

• "And I knew she was freezing, but she wouldn't say anything because she wanted a ring, I'm sure."
  -Jon

• "So did you expect it, Katie?" / "Yeah." / "Because she's an evil sleuth!"
  -Lydia/Katie L./Jon

• "My life motto is 'Live tall and prosper'."
  -Caleb

• "Everyone's favorite color is green. I know why - Al Gore!"
  -Lydia

• "So, these big machines..." / "PANTS?!"
  -Liz/Noelle

• "It's like the little engine that could, but it's the little tugboat that... struggled."
  -Amy F.

• "Fifty percent of the state budget was spent on books. So obviously, these people were insane, but they were insane with a venegance."
  -Prof. Casarino

• "Hey, midget." / "I'm not a midget, I'm a dwarf." / "Then where's your battle axe?!"
  -Guys on bus

• "You forked me... in the form of a spoon."
  -Lydia

• "I want to learn how to shake it!" / "I think you need to have something to shake first."
  -Emily/EE Guy

• "You can actually buy perfumes and colognes that simulate the smell of dead people." / "I have a graveyard by my house; I could do that myself." / "Well, it's illegal to dig them up and rub their scent on you."
  -EE folks

• "Like, if there's ever an axe murderer going around killing people, just don't have sex. For that time period, just don't do it. And don't do drugs, either."
  -Guys on bus

• "Equestrians - horse people. They have their own culture." / "Yeah - like sailors."
  -Charles/Luke

• "Dude, are you working on sideburns?" / "No... they creep."
  -Caleb/Jon

• "Is it ever your cup of tea for people who don't like tea? Like, this is my cup of tea, but I'm still not happy."
  -Jon

• "Caleb's a cat."
  -Jon

• "I hate spending money for schoolwork." / "I hate saliva."
  -Taylor / Liz

• "I almost had the opportunity to help someone jumpstart his car today. Or it may just have been that he was trying to steal a car, because when I offered to help him, he ran away."
  -Amy F.

• "Greetings..." / "Earthlings?" / "No, I'm the pope. Or something."
  -Conner/Taylor/Conner

• "I'd call that 'spontaneity ad absurdum'." / "Spontaneity ad absurdum... that sounds like an award you get if your GPA is high enough."
  -Taylor/Charles

• "Get pockets! You can carry things in your pants! It's amazing!"
  -Random guy at welcome week

• "You just asked me on a man-date to Gay 90s." / "And I didn't get your answer." / "NO!"
  -Caleb/Tim/Caleb

• "We learned all about cranberries." / "Those are like my seventh favorite fruit!"
  -Lauren/Tim R.

• "Actually, your arm doesn't creep me out at all. It's delicate... and comforting."
  -Charles

• "It's not a comfort thing - I could sleep on a concrete slab. But the minute the sun comes up, I'm wide awake." / "The sun... bastard."
  -Taylor/Caleb

• "I'll F-stop your mom."
  -Caleb (not unless your mom has aperture priority...)

• "Car on course!" / "Par for the course?" / "There's a car on a horse!"
  -Rally marshal/Random guys

• "Yeah, Google's pretty much the antichrist." / "It's a good antichrist, though."
  -Caleb/Jaymes

• "Wasn't she going to be a lawyer?" / "Well, she's catholic... so she's going to be like her cats, just sit home and have babies."
  -Caleb's dad/Caleb

• "Charles just knows more about bows than you do." / "I have a ribbon fetish."
  -Taylor/Charles

• "Great minds... common pockets."
  -Caleb

• "Is the Caleb train leaving? You were making that train sound, like you were going to leave."
  -Amy F.

• "Okay, the guys are going to do another load of heavy stuff, and the girls are going to stay here and organize." / "Aww - I'd rather do heavy lifting than organizing." / "You should have thought about that before you were born a girl."
  -Amy F./Taylor/Caleb

• "I thought you said he died of a tumor overdose. Like, 'Dang, I hate it when I overdose on tumors'."
  -Karin

• "Aww - I bet she says that to all the faces she sees."
  -Brian

• "I think we're by far the most lecherous booth here."
  -Noelle

• "She's the pretty one, I'm the short one, you're the boy one."
  -Noelle

• "I don't let her lick me, but sometimes she wants to."
  -Noelle

• "I'll hug you over the table, but I don't think Taylor wants to."
  -Noelle

• "Out of everyone here, I have the right to be emotionally stunted." / "Why do you feel you have this unalienable right?" / "Because I'm tall."
  -Caleb/Taylor/Caleb

• "I hate some people... children who are now adults and having their own children."
  -Jon

• "Why are you playing bass?" / "Because I have the sideburns for it - shut up."
  -Jaymes/Caleb

• "I am not a long-haired blonde... with breasts."
  -Jaymes

• "That's playing tonight - Spice World. We could go in costume... I have my British flag jumpsuit."
  -Caleb

• "I doubt they have a health code for lactation rooms. Who's going to enforce that?"
  -Caleb

• "It's important to remember Jesus' humanity. He's not just God in a baby suit."
  -Dave

• "I had a dream I killed a baby last night."
  -Liz

• "There were two trees, right? They ate them in the wrong order." / "What? You saw it on an episode of Law and Order?"
  -Jake/Mr. McLellan

• "It's really nice just to walk in your feet."
  -Liz

• "I think you might be all Argo-cootied up by now."
  -Steph